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 Desperate To Be Free I have been having an online affair with a woman I have never met. (Since my teenage years I have struggled with the sin of looking at pornography.) I am a Christian and active in my church. My wife has no idea this has been going on. I have deceived my wife, my family and my church because none of these people know my struggles. I am too ashamed to tell them. Should I confess to my family and church? Should I get rid of my computer? How can I be free from this burden? Will God forgive me? Please help. I am desperate to be free. Answered by Randy Alcorn
I would advise you to get rid of your computer. That's much less radical than cutting off your hand or gouging out your eye, yet it is an attempt to honor Christ's call to take radical measures to separate yourself from recurring temptation. One other possibility is to put the computer in a living area with the screen visible to others in the room. Have your wife set up the password for internet access, not tell you that password, AND agree to not leave you alone in the room after having brought up the internet. However, if you find yourself attempting to get around this, then internet access should be cut off. If you are tempted to bring home pornographic images on disc, etc., then get rid of the computer entirely. Scripture nowhere tells us to have a computer, but it does tell us to flee from sexual temptation...not to hang around it and just set ourselves up for falling again.When you confess to your wife it will be painful for you both, but you MUST do this. James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." However, you need to do more than confess to your wife. You need to have one or more godly men to whom you confess this and have them ask you regularly, perhaps daily at first, "How are you doing?" You must be ruthlessly honest. I would also confess to one of my pastors, and ask for his accountability too. This is humbling, of course, but in my experience no one who tries to dig out of this by himself ultimately succeeds. We need the Lord, but we need His people to help and confront and ask and stand with us. You need to develop a whole new thought pattern of godliness, meditating on Scripture and guarding yourself from the kinds of images, TV shows, movies, etc. that will take you down. Yes, God will fully forgive you. No question. But you will face difficulties and temptations that will make change a rough road. That's why you must take radical steps and get lots of help. I recommend the following links from our website. If you are to access them, of course, you will need your wife's assistance if you follow the counsel I'm giving. Don't use the need to access these as a rationalization for delaying confession. You need to do that as soon as possible, even if it means canceling an engagement. The following can be linked to from our website at http://www.epm.org/links.html:
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