A friend who recently experienced a miscarriage shared this powerful blog post with me (it’s received over 1,100 comments, so obviously it resonated with many). I agree with the writer’s assertion that it does seem the prolife response to miscarriage lacks consistency.
I’ve long felt this issue of inconsistency, though as a man, and as someone who has not experienced it personally, the closest I’ve experienced it is when someone very precious to me lost their child. I was devastated. But that’s not the same as what the mom goes through, or the dad.
I think those going through the loss of a child by miscarriage need to be told it’s ok to grieve, knowing they’ve been parted from their real child in a real and heartbreaking way. We should pray for their healing, but NOT at the expense of reality and grieving, which are an important part of a baby-honoring and God-honoring process.
Why miscarriage matters when you're pro-life
By Rachel Lewis
Back in my former life, I was a proofreader.
We were a fabulous group of gals. But, I'm not going to lie—we were pretty nitpicky. And NOT the most popular in the office. In fact, we had not just one book, but multiple books by which we would mentally check each word, each phrase, each sentence.
We had rules about whether a dash should be the size of a capital "N" or a capital "M" (and yes, we did measure). We ensured the proper use of "insured," then assured all the writers that, yes, everyone gets those words mixed up. And of course, we must never forget to correct the spacing on an ellipsis. (#.#.#.#). Very important, that one.
But we had one rule that trumped all rules:
Consistency was king.
You see, on most issues, you could get away with breaking a rule or two -- as long as you were consistent.
And now, after both quitting my job and going through 3 first-trimester losses in a row (primarily surrounded by pro-lifers), I really wish I could say the same thing about life. And about pregnancy loss.
I must make a disclaimer (to all my friends and family reading this)—You did the best you could. And for the most part, I felt loved and I knew that so many of you grieved with me.
To be perfectly honest, before my losses, I didn't quite understand that the way we pro-lifers treat miscarriage is important.
And yet after we lost Olivia, it didn't take long for me to realize that in this Christian microcosm of ours, somehow an aborted baby had so much more to offer the world than a miscarried one.
Both babies may have died at the same gestation—one by choice, the other by chance. But the value attached to each child completely depended on how that child died.