What Should I Do When My Fiancé and I Have Been Sexually Active, Have Repented, and Really Desire to Be Obedient to God, But Continually Return to the Same Sin?

My fiancé and I have been sexually active, have repented, and really desire to be obedient to God, but continually return to the same sin. Does God still look at our hearts and not our sin, or are we Hell-bound?

My heart goes out to you as you seem to be in a cycle of sin. I do know God wants you to have complete victory in this area of your life.

No, God will never give up on you. His compassions never fail, they are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). He loves you very much and offers full forgiveness for our sins.

You don’t have to live this way. Satan knows your weakness and will use this to his full advantage. You need to recognize you are in a spiritual battle each time you are tempted. God says to “Be self controlled and alert.” Why? Because the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he might devour (I Peter 5:8).

Scripture also says your temptations are common to man and he provides a way out (I Cor. 10:13). The Holy Spirit resides in you and is your power to overcome sin. You cannot do it in your own power. When you are weak and vulnerable that is when you can cry out to the God of the universe and claim His sufficiency. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness” (II Cor. 12:9).

Jesus sympathizes with our weaknesses because He was tempted in every way just like you, yet he didn’t sin. But because he understands, we can come to him and find mercy and grace in our time of need (Heb. 4:15, 16).

I would urge you to find an accountability group or meet with an older godly woman in your church on a weekly basis who will ask you the hard questions. You must do some radical things to protect yourself. God wants you to take this sin very seriously. You must recognize your vulnerability and protect yourself from situations where you are tempted.

Check out the following additional resources:

1. Scriptures on whether true Christians can lose their salvation
2. Guidelines for Sexual Purity
3. Resources for Sexual Purity
4. The Purity Principle

Remember: get radical about your sexual purity and pursue your relationship with God through His Word. Get to know His character. The more you know Him, the more you can trust Him with your life. All of this will greatly please God and you.

Kathy Norquist was Randy Alcorn’s Executive Assistant from 1997-2015, then worked in Ministry Development up until September 2018 when she retired.  Kathy remains on the EPM Board of Directors.