Question from a reader:
I lost my mom to cancer. I’m a mom myself, and I still have young teenagers at home. While I want to be a good mom and watch them grow up, I can’t stand it without my mom. I want to go “home.” I want to be with her, and I want to go now. How can I wait?
Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My mom went to be with Jesus a few years ago, so my heart goes out to you. I don’t think anyone can prepare you for how hard it is to have your mom not here on Earth.
Something I’ve told myself frequently is that my mom’s love isn’t gone; it’s just relocated. In fact, since she is now in Jesus’ presence, and praying is simply talking to God, I wouldn’t be surprised if she prays for me more now, than she did before. (See Do People Now in Heaven Pray for Those on Earth?) Hers will be one of the first faces I look for when I enter Heaven someday.
What you’re feeling is a very normal part of the grief process. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings and I commend you for being so honest. It’s also important to remember that feelings are not truth or what Scripture asks us to base our actions on.
I know it’s hard not to have your mom here with you, but as you shared, your kids need you so much. This is your God-given assignment. He knows just what He’s doing, even when it’s hard to trust. And being able to think through what you most appreciated about your mom, then passing that on to your kids as you care for and raise them, is an eternal investment and a special gift to future generations.
Randy writes in his Heaven book, “As long as God keeps you here on Earth, it’s exactly where he wants you. He’s preparing you for another world. He knows precisely what he’s doing. Through your suffering, difficulty, and depression, he’s expanding your capacity for eternal joy. Our lives on Earth are a training camp to ready us for Heaven. When God is done writing your life story—not before—he’ll take you home in his own time and way. Meanwhile, God has a purpose for you here on Earth.”
One of our other staff members wrote this to someone who was grieving:
Our perspective in grieving is so important. God is infinite, all-knowing, and all-wise along with being sovereign. He knows things we’ll never know and can see the big picture we are incapable of comprehending. I’ve experienced a great deal of loss, and I wouldn’t wish that part of my story on anyone. I also wouldn’t want to have missed the resulting depth of my relationship with God for anything. I promise you: if you keep seeking God’s face and keep being honest with Him about your pain and keep asking Him your questions humbly and with the desire to remain faithful whether you like the answers or not, you will make it through this with greater faith and a beautiful sense of God’s great love and care for you.
Grief is so hard, and it’s not unusual to need some extra support. Have you considered speaking with a counselor? I found it so helpful in working through my own grief. Here are some resources to get you started:
Focus on the Family: Counseling Consultation and Referrals - “The consultation is available at no cost to you due to generous donor support and will be with one of our licensed or pastoral counseling specialists.”
If you would like some book recommendations, Randy provides a list of recommended books on grief. Are you familiar with GriefShare? They have a daily email you can receive for the next year. If at some point you are interested, they offer support groups across the country.
May you sense God’s love and peace holding your heart.