Question from a reader:
I'm a Christian, and my mother was a Christian. I was her caregiver for many years before her death. She meant everything to me, and I still have times crying and missing her badly. Today after reading my Bible and praying, I asked God if Mom in spirit could just comfort me. Suddenly, I could smell her favorite perfume! Am I crazy to think God heard my prayer and it was my mom's spirit?
Answer from Doreen Button, EPM staff:
Please “hear” my heartfelt empathy for your losses. You have much to grieve. You no longer have your mom to care for. It sounds like you have sacrificed, out of love, for the good of others and that reminds me of Jesus and the great sacrifice He made out of love for us. Jesus-followers should reflect their Shepherd and selfless service to others does just that. What is remarkable to me is that I detected no bitterness over the losses that your care for your mom possibly caused in your life (for example, not marrying and having that version of family for yourself).
In my grief work, I encourage those who’ve suffered great loss to remember two things which may sound like a paradox at first. On one hand, grief has no expiration date, especially with a major loss such as yours. If people say what essentially means “get over it,” ignore them the best you can and cry as much as you need to. On the other hand, it is also possible to get stuck in grief. If your grief has not mellowed or changed over time but still feels, after several years, as deep and painful as it did in the beginning, you may be stuck. If that sounds possible to you, I highly recommend clicking this link to find a GriefShare group in your area and courageously attend. You may not feel like sharing, but just being together with those who’ve also gone through serious separations and seeing and hearing the videos sharing stories of grief and healing can be very cathartic.
Regarding your experience of smelling your mom’s favorite perfume, I don’t think it’s crazy at all to think that God heard your prayer for comfort, although the enemy likes to impersonate and create scenarios which draw our attention away from our Father and toward anything else but Him. I can’t know whether the scent was a gift from God, but I do know that He hears your every prayer and longs for you to come alongside Him to seek comfort.
Your mom was “everything” to you, and that’s a red flag. Only God/Jesus/Holy Spirit have the right to that position. So please look to Jesus for your comfort and not to your mother. If she loved Jesus, she is with Him right now and if you love Jesus, the two (three counting your Father) will be together again when all His followers are united once and for all on the New Earth. Be patient; spend time thanking God for the years you had with your mom, and for the opportunities to serve Him by serving her. Seek out the fellowship of others who also love Him and begin, as much as possible, to find new ways to serve. The tears will be part of your life until you leave your “earthsuit” behind temporarily and await the Resurrection. Acknowledge the pain, cry the tears, and ask Jesus every day how you can reflect Him best no matter how you feel.
God bless you in this journey.
