Question from a reader:

I know the Bible says we will be reunited with our loved ones. Randy has written about seeing family, friends, and even strangers we've had an impact on, but what about someone that doesn’t fit into any of those boxes? Recently an ex-boyfriend of mine passed away. He was a strong believer in Jesus, and when we were young and dated, our relationship was pure and not built on sin. While our relationship ultimately didn’t work out and we both moved on, I always cared about him.

However, he was not my husband, he was never really just my “friend” since we were romantically involved, and he wasn’t a stranger I impacted, like the guy Randy met on the plane and gave his book to. So in Heaven, what would we be to each other? Will we mean very little to the people on Earth who ultimately didn’t fit in God’s plan the way our family and platonic friends did? 

Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:

I’m so very sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend’s death. Grief is always difficult, but it sounds like in this particular case, grief is also tricky because it’s a relationship that our society doesn’t have a clear label on for grieving. But God knows and see what’s hard—so give yourself permission to grieve this loss, bring that sadness to Jesus, and let Him speak His truth and love into it.

There is so much hope and encouragement when we think about Heaven and the future relationships we’ll develop with people we knew in this life—whether we knew them extremely well, moderately well, they were just in our lives for a short season, or we only had a brief meeting. Our relationships with other believers may not be as clearly defined in this present life, but on the New Earth, they will be: we will be brothers and sisters in Christ, forever united to Him, part of the same marriage to the Lamb, perfected in righteousness and enjoying relationships not tainted by sin.

So I think it’s appropriate for you to think about how you’ll have the opportunity to get to know him in a perfect world, as brother and sister in Christ, in a way that you never could here. When sin is completely gone, surely we’ll be more welcoming and kind, more loving and excited to see people we knew on the old earth, however briefly that was. Best of all, we’ll have eternity in Christ’s presence to get to know each other, hear each other’s stories and perspectives, and serve Jesus together. Randy writes, “Many friendships emerge from shared experiences. Doing things together bonds us. The same will be true on the New Earth. We’ll be knit together as we discover together the wonders of God and his universe.”

He also writes this in Heaven:

Will We Pursue and Develop Relationships?

One of the things I’m looking forward to in Heaven is meeting people I’ve known only by phone and e-mail. For those friends I rarely see, we’ll finally have time and access to enjoy each other’s company.

I want to spend time again with the people who had an influence on me as a young Christian. I don’t know how many of my ancestors were Christians. Perhaps not many. But I can’t wait to meet the ones who were and to hear their stories.

I’m eager to meet the young women our family supported in the Dominican Republic. I want to talk to some Cambodian pastors and Chinese house church members who received Bibles from the ministries we gave to. What will it be like to meet the Sudanese people our church helped rescue from slavery and oppression? I want to thank them for their faith and example.

I want to spend time with my handicapped friends and watch them enjoy the freedom of new bodies and minds. I look forward to sharp intellectual exchanges with those who finished their course on Earth with Alzheimer’s. (Maybe I’ll be one of them.)

I want to spend time with the martyrs, some of whose stories I’ve read. Most of them didn’t know each other on Earth, but Revelation 6:9-11 portrays them as close-knit in Heaven.

We’ll surely have many new relationships, some based on common interests, experiences, and histories on Earth. If you have a special interest in first-century Rome, perhaps you’ll enjoy developing relationships with those who lived in that place and time.

We’ll talk with angels who saw the earth created and who watched their comrades rebel. We’ll meet angels who guarded and served us while we were on Earth. Don’t you look forward to asking them questions?

If our conversations would be limited only to the earth’s past, we might run the reservoir dry after fifty thousand years. But the beauty is that Heaven will bring as many new developments as Earth ever did, and eventually far more. We won’t begin to run out of things to think about or talk about. The reservoir won’t run dry. It will be replenished daily, forever expanding.

Also see this article, which talks about the delight of meeting people in Heaven and seeing how God used even brief encounters or relationships in our lives.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” I pray that looking forward to that “fullness of joy” in Christ’s presence, together with His people, will fill your heart with peace and hope for the future.