Question from a reader:
My grown daughter and her boyfriend are wonderful, productive, caring people, who I am very grateful for. But sadly, neither of them are Christians. My daughter rejected the faith she grew up in. Her boyfriend’s brother died when he was a child from cancer. He’s often stated he misses him every day. I’d like to witness to him by telling him that his brother is in Heaven, and encourage him how he can be with him. Is that the right approach? I would like to give him Randy’s book Heaven, which shares how to get there. My daughter also lost her brother a few years ago. I do not want to drive them away or make Heaven look like a mere fantasy.
Answer from Doreen Button, EPM staff:
You’re asking great questions. I’ll do my best to honor Jesus and your faith with my responses. May I first offer you my sincere empathy over your loss. Your daughter lost a sibling, but it sounds like you “lost” a son, though we both know that if he loved Jesus, you’ll be reunited.
My heart also goes out to your daughter and her boyfriend. I can’t imagine enduring such a loss without having God’s comfort to lean into. You know what that level of loss feels like so you are able to offer some of that comfort to them (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
We’re not in any position to know whether his brother is with Jesus now. We are all born with a need for God’s mercy and grace, but Scripture isn’t clear about how He reconciles children to Himself before they are old enough to grasp their need. And we don’t know when “old enough” is.
Randy writes, “I think we should view Scripture as largely silent on this subject, leaving us to draw from its principles and to trust in the character of our God. Though I waver now and then, for the most part I still see children as miraculously covered by the blood of Christ—in a special expression of his grace, despite their sinfulness, unworthiness and lack of choice to receive Christ.
“I do take great comfort in both the mercy and justice of God…Sometimes I think he doesn’t want us to know the answers to some of these things, so we will have to come to him in faith and uncertainty rather than with full knowledge and the presumption it can foster.”
I too wrestle with the ache of children who don’t see their need and have to remind myself that our job as Jesus-followers is to love Him (stay in close contact with Him, bringing Him our joys and grief and concerns) and love others (serving them, and sharing what God has done for us—how much joy that has brought into our lives, and how that relationship will last into eternity). We can’t know what responses people will give to our offer of God’s abundant life, though we can (and it sounds like you do) spend time praying for the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts and to give us the right words and opportunities.
Her boyfriend might enjoy hearing about the present Heaven and the New Earth. So many people have grown up biblically illiterate and have no idea what a beautiful future we look forward to. The big Heaven book might be a bit overwhelming, but you probably know whether he likes deep dives or not. 50 Days of Heaven is my favorite book to share because it takes the concepts of the big book and puts them into bite-sized daily readings. Invite him to give it a try and bring his questions to you as they come up.
If you need help with more answers, we have lots of free resources on our website about Heaven and the New Earth.
Together, we can pray that “happily ever after” will be true of our children’s lives as well as ours.
