랜디알콘
제사랑하는아내낸시는 4년여간암과투쟁했습니다. 그중에는많은좋은소식도, 나쁜소식도있었습니다. 3번의수술과 3번의방사선요법, 3번의화학요법을거치는동안우리는마치롤러코스터를타는감정이었습니다.
암이폐까지퍼져이제 4기라고의사가말했던날이아직도생생하게기억납니다. 그날밤우리는함께기도했습니다. 그리고저는아래층으로내려가서소파옆에무릎꿇고앉아얼굴을손에파묻고울었습니다. 저는제마음을하나님께쏟아내며도와주시라고간청했습니다. 베드로전서 5:7 “너희염려를다주께맡기라이는그가너희를돌보심이라”(개역개정) 말씀대로행한것입니다.
그때갑자기어떤기척이느껴졌습니다. 눈을떴더니우리가키우던골든리트리버매기의앞발이제손옆에있었습니다. 매기는걱정하는, 그러나사랑스러운눈으로저를바라보며제눈물을핥았습니다. 그러고는슬퍼하는소리를크게냈는데매기의그런모습은처음봤었고그이후로도보지못했습니다. 그소리는탄식이라고밖에설명할수없습니다. 이광경은저를놀라게했습니다.
그때저는우리가탄식할때모든피조물이함께탄식하고성령님께서말할수없는탄식으로친히간구하신다고말하는로마서 8장이생각났습니다. 저와하나님, 매기이렇게셋이모두함께우리가사랑하는낸시를위하여탄식하고있다는사실을깨달은것입니다. 저는더울었지만이번에는저의두동반자에게서큰위로를받은울음이었습니다.
모든위로되시는하나님
1년후저는낸시가마지막숨을거둘때옆에있었습니다. 정말깊은슬픔을느꼈지만그녀의남편이되어죽음이갈라놓을때까지함께있었다는것이감사했습니다. 이제그녀가천국으로간지 2년이지났지만그녀의부재가크게느껴집니다. 낸시는강아지와미식축구, 그리고찰스스펄전과 J.I. 패커목사님등여러목사님이하신좋은말씀에대해자주문자를보냈는데그문자메시지가그립습니다. 저는그녀의목소리와웃음소리가그립습니다. 항상크게웃고전염성이있는웃음이었습니다.
탄식은제마음을어렵게했습니다. 그러나하나님이제삶에은혜의역사를일으키시며낸시없이도앞으로나아갈수있는위로를주고계십니다. (특히예수님의임재안에서언젠가낸시와다시함께할것이라는소망이큰위로가됩니다!) 시편 16:8에서다윗은이렇게말합니다. “내가여호와를항상내앞에모심이여그가나의오른쪽에계시므로내가흔들리지아니하리로다”하나님을내앞에모시는것은하나님이함께하시고계속해서도우신다는것을인정하는것입니다.
아이가자전거에서넘어질때아이의아버지는 “얘야, 무슨일이일어났는지알려줄게. 속도와이자전거의무게를생각해봤을때이렇게갑자기돌면견디지못해…”라고말해선안됩니다. 아이는단순히위로를원하는것입니다. 설명은필요없습니다. 대부분의설명은우리가이해하지못합니다. 우리는 “낙심한자들을위로하시는하나님”(고린도후서 7:6)이필요합니다. 저를포함한수백만명의사람들이가장어두운시기에하나님이주신위로를증언합니다. “여호와여주는나를돕고위로하시는이시니이다” (시편 86:17).
조니에릭슨타다와스티브에스테스는저서하나님의눈물 (When God Weeps)에서 이렇게 말합니다.
아버지와같은하나님은조언만주시는분이 아닙니다. 하나님은그분자신을내어주십니다. 하나님은슬퍼하는과부의남편이되어주십니다(이사야 54:5). 하나님은잉태하지못한여자를위로하십니다(이사야 54:1). 하나님은고아의아버지가되어주십니다(시편 10:14). 미혼자에게는신랑이되어주십니다(이사야 62:5). 병든자를치료해주십니다(출애굽기 15:26). 혼란에빠진채절망하고있는사람들에게기묘자가되어주십니다 (이사야 9:6).
바울은이렇게말합니다. “그는…모든위로의하나님이시며우리의모든환난중에서우리를위로하사우리로하여금하나님께받는위로로써모든환난중에있는자들을능히위로하게하시는이시로다” (고린도후서 1:3~4). 종종우리는탄식할때위로를받는것만생각하지주는것은생각하지않습니다. 물론위로를받는것에만집중해야하는탄식의순간이있습니다. 그러나하나님이우리를위로하실때우리는이위로를다른사람을위로하는데사용할수있게됩니다.
하나님은성령의역사를통해우리에게직접위로를부어주시는동시에다른사람을사용하셔서우리를위로하십니다. 저는친구와가족을통해서이를경험했습니다. 하나님의가족안에서위로를주고받는것은큰기쁨입니다. 하나님께쓰임받는것은충만한경험이며위로의원천이됩니다.
예수님의우정
예수님은이렇게말씀하십니다. “이제부터는너희를종이라하지아니하리니…너희를친구라하였노니”(요한복음 15:15). 이놀라운진리는저의일상에깊은위로가되었습니다. 저는 10대때예수님을알게된이래로예수님과의친교를누렸습니다. 그러나제두번째절친인낸시가더이상저와함께하지않게되자이친교가절실히다가왔습니다. 물론다른친구들도도와줬지만예수님과의친교가저에게는가장큰도움이되었습니다. 지금도마찬가지이며매일그렇습니다.
저는지금그어느때보다도예수님과가깝습니다. 저는스스로에게이렇게말합니다. “낸시는지금그녀의절친이자내절친이신분과함께살고있어.” 그리고저는매일의삶에서곁에계신예수님을경험하고느낍니다. 낸시는떠났더라도우리중누구도우리의절친을잃지않았습니다. 우리가아직다시만나지않았더라도예수님은여전히우리두사람과함께계십니다.
예수님이우리의진실한친구이시자친구가되길원하신다는사실은많은크리스천에게혁신적인개념입니다. 물론우리는하나님의종이며이는고귀한부르심이라는사실을부정하거나축소해서는안됩니다. 그러나동시에우리는하나님의자녀이자친구라는놀라운사실을받아들여야합니다. 하나님은그분의종을사랑하실수있고실제로사랑하시지만, 분명하나님은그분의자녀와친구를진심으로사랑하십니다. 그리고하나님은우리를위해최고의것을행하십니다. 설령그최고의것이우리가선택할만한것과는다른형태일지라도말입니다.
드와이트 L. 무디는이렇게말했습니다. “내가오랫동안지켜왔던규칙은주예수그리스도를개인적인친구로대하는것이다. 예수님은신념이나단순한교리가아니라우리와함께하시는바로그분자신인것이다.”
탄식할때는탄식그자체가우리의동반자가됩니다. 그러나더좋은동반자이자가장가까운친구는예수님입니다. 예수님은이렇게말씀하셨습니다. “내가결코너희를버리지아니하고너희를떠나지아니하리라”(히브리서 13:5). 예수님은우리의멘토이자절친이시며, 구주이자우리의주이십니다. 예수님과의관계는예수님께이야기하고그분의말씀을들으며더많은시간을보낼수록깊어지게됩니다. 오스왈드챔버스목사님은이렇게적었습니다. “이땅에서가장가까운친구는예수그리스도와비교했을때그저그림자에불과하다.”
우리는예수님의얼굴을보게될것입니다
고난과눈물흘리는것은실제이고깊은아픔이지만, 하나님의자녀에게는일시적인것입니다. 언젠가탄식은영원히사라질것입니다. 영원한기쁨이다가오고있습니다. 우리의영원한친구이신예수님이 “모든눈물을그눈에서닦아 주시니다시는사망이없고애통하는것이나곡하는것이나아픈것이다시있지”(요한계시록 21:4)않을것입니다. 이것이바로예수님이피로사신약속입니다.
그사이에마음이아플때에는우리의가장큰위로이자화평의근원되시는예수님을바라봅시다. “이말씀은나의고난중의위로라주의말씀이나를살리셨기때문이니이다”(시편 119:50).
The Comfort and Friendship of Jesus in Our Grief
Over the four-plus years my beloved wife Nanci faced cancer, there were many good reports and many bad ones. We rode a roller coaster of emotions throughout her three surgeries, three rounds of radiation, and three rounds of chemo.
I vividly remember the day when the doctor said it was now stage-four cancer that had spread to her lungs. That night we prayed together, and then I went downstairs, got on my knees by the couch, buried my face in my hands, and wept. I poured out my heart to God, begging Him to intervene. I did what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (NIV).
Suddenly I felt a presence beside me. I opened my eyes and saw our Golden Retriever Maggie’s front paws next to my hands. She gave me a look of loving concern, licked my tears, and then made a loud mournful sound she had never made before and never did after. I can only describe it as a groan. It startled me.
I thought immediately of Romans 8 which tells us that we groan, the whole creation groans, and God’s Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I realized that three of us were groaning together for Nanci, who we all loved—our God, myself, and our dog. And then I wept more, this time finding great comfort in both my companions.
The God of All Comfort
A year later, I was there when Nanci took her last breath. I felt profoundly sad, yet so privileged to have been her husband and to be there till death did us part. In the over two years now since she relocated to Heaven, her absence has been palpable. I miss her frequent texts about dogs and football and great quotes from Charles Spurgeon and J. I. Packer and others. I miss the sound of her voice and her laughter, always so loud and contagious.
The grief has been difficult. Yet God has been doing a work of grace in my life, bringing me comfort that allows me to go forward without her. (This is greatly helped by the anticipation of one day being with her again in the presence of Jesus!) In Psalm 16:8 David says, “I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” To set God before me is to recognize His presence and constant help.
When a child falls off a bike, she doesn’t need her father to say, “Sweetheart, here’s why it happened—given your speed and the weight of this bike, it couldn’t tolerate that sharp turn and…” No. The child simply wants comfort. We don’t need explanations, most of which we wouldn’t understand anyway. We need “God, who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6). Millions of people, including me, attest to the comfort He has brought them in their darkest hours. “…you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me” (Psalm 86:17).
Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes write in When God Weeps,
God, like a father, doesn’t just give advice. He gives himself. He becomes the husband to the grieving widow (Isaiah 54:5). He becomes the comforter to the barren woman (Isaiah 54:1). He becomes the father of the orphaned (Psalm 10:14). He becomes the bridegroom to the single person (Isaiah 62:5). He is the healer to the sick (Exodus 15:26). He is the wonderful counselor to the confused and depressed (Isaiah 9:6).
Paul says, “[The] God of all comfort... comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). Often when we are grieving, we think only of receiving comfort, not giving it. There are times in grief when receiving needs to be our sole focus. But when God comforts us, we are enabled to also use that same comfort to console others.
While He pours out His comfort to us directly by a ministry of His Holy Spirit, God is also fond of using other people to comfort us. I have experienced this through my friends and family members. There is great pleasure in both giving and receiving comfort in God’s family. It’s fulfilling to be His instrument, and that’s a source of comfort as well.
The Friendship of Jesus
Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). This stunning truth has become a deep daily comfort to me. Ever since I came to know Jesus as a teenager, I’ve had a friendship with Him; but it really hit home when my second best friend, Nanci, was no longer here for me. While other friendships have helped, nothing has meant more to me than the friendship of Jesus. It still does. Every day.
I have never felt closer to Him than I do now. I tell myself that Nanci now lives with her best friend and mine. And I am experiencing and sensing His presence with me every day. At her death, neither of us lost our best friend. He is still with both of us, even though we are not yet reunited.
That Jesus truly is and wants to be our friend is a revolutionary concept to many Christians. True, we should never deny or minimize the fact that we are God’s servants, and that itself is a high calling. But we should simultaneously affirm the wondrous fact that we are His children and friends. God can and does love His servants, but He certainly loves wholeheartedly His children and His friends. And He intends to do His best for us, even when that best takes a different form than we might have chosen.
Dwight L. Moody said, “A rule I have had for years is to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”
As we grieve, we find that grief itself is a companion; but our greater companion and closest friend is Jesus. He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus is our mentor and best friend, as well as Savior and Lord. Our relationship with Him grows as we spend time with Him—talking and listening to Him. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “The dearest friend on earth is a mere shadow compared to Jesus Christ.”
We Will Behold His Face
Suffering and weeping are real and profound, but for God’s children, they are temporary. One day, grief will end. Forever. Eternal joy is on its way. Jesus, our forever friend, “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain.” This is the blood-bought promise of Jesus.
In the meantime, when our hearts ache, let’s turn to Jesus, our greatest source of comfort and peace. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).
Photo: Unsplash
