Na Randy Alcorn

Kwa zaidi ya miaka minne mke wangu mpendwa Nanci alipambana na saratani, kulikuwa na taarifa nyingi nzuri na mbaya. Tulikabiliwa na mabadiliko makubwa ya hisia katika upasuaji wake uliofanyika mara tatu, awamu tatu za mionzi na awamu tatu za tibakemikali.

Nakumbuka kwa udhahiri siku ambayo daktari alisema ilikuwa sasa imefika saratani ya kiwango cha nne ambayo ilikuwa imeenea kwenye mapafu yake. Usiku huo tulisali pamoja, kisha nikashuka chini ya ngazi, nikapiga magoti karibu na kochi, nikauweka uso wangu wote kwenye mikono yangu, nikalia. Niliumimina moyo wangu kwa Mungu, nikimsihi aingilie kati. Nilifanya kile ambacho 1 Petro 5:7 inatuambia tufanye: "mkimtwika yeye fadhaa zenu zote, kwa maana yeye hujishughulisha sana kwa mambo yenu" (SUV).

Ghafla nilihisi kitu kando yangu. Nilifumbua macho yangu na makucha ya mbele ya Mbwa wetu Chotara Mwenye Rangi ya Dhahabu (Golden Retriever), aitwaye Maggie karibu na mikono yangu. Alinitazama kwa kuonesha upendo, akalamba machozi yangu, kisha akatoa sauti kubwa ya huzuni ambayo hakuwahi kuitoa hapo awali na wala hakuwahi kuitoa baada ya hapo. Ninaweza kuelezea ilikuwa kama sauti ya maumivu. Hali hiyo ilinishtua.

Kwa haraka nikakumbuka Warumi 8 ambayo inatuambia kwamba tunaugua, viumbe vyote vinaugua, na Roho wa Mungu anatuombea kwa kuugua sana kiasi cha kukosa maneno ya kuelezea. Niligundua kwamba sisi watatu tulikuwa tukiugua pamoja kwa ajili ya Nanci, ambaye sisi sote tulimpenda, Mungu wetu, mimi mwenyewe, na mbwa wetu. Na kisha nikalia zaidi, wakati huu nikipata faraja kubwa kutoka kwa wenzangu wote wawili.

Mungu wa Faraja Yote

Mwaka mmoja baadaye, nilikuwa namwangalia Nanci akikata roho. Nilihisi huzuni sana, lakini kuona nimependelewa sana kuwa mume wake na kuwa pamoja naye hadi kifo kilipotutenganisha. Kwa zaidi ya miaka miwili sasa tangu aende Mbinguni, kutokuwepo kwake kumekuwa dhahiri. Ninakumbuka ujumbe wake wa maandishi wa mara kwa mara kuhusu mbwa na mpira wa miguu na nukuu nzuri kutoka kwa Charles Spurgeon na J. I. Packer na wengine. Ninakumbuka sauti ya kicheko chake, ambacho kila wakati kinasikika na chenye kuambukiza.

Hali hii ya huzuni imekuwa ngumu. Lakini Mungu amekuwa akifanya kazi ya neema maishani mwangu, akiniletea faraja ambayo inaniruhusu nisonge mbele pasipo uwepo wake. (Hii inanitia nguvu nikiwa na matarajio kwamba siku moja nitakuwa pamoja naye tena mbele za Yesu!) Katika Zaburi 16:8 Daudi anasema, "Nimemweka BWANA mbele yangu daima, Kwa kuwa yuko kuumeni kwangu, sitaondoshwa." Kumweka Mungu mbele yangu ni kutambua uwepo wake na msaada wa kila wakati.

Mtoto anapoanguka kwenye baiskeli, hahitaji baba yake aseme, "Mpenzi, hiki ndicho kilichotokea, kulingana na kasi yako na uzito wa baiskeli hii, isingeweza kuvumilia kona hiyo kali…" Hapana. Mtoto anataka tu faraja. Hatuhitaji maelezo, ambayo hata hivyo mengi ya hayo tusingeweza kuyaelewa. Tunamhitaji "Mungu, mwenye kuwafariji wanyonge" (2 Wakorintho 7:6). Mamilioni ya watu, ikiwa ni pamoja na mimi, wanashuhudia faraja aliyowapa katika nyakati zao za giza. "…wewe, BWANA, umenisaidia na kunifariji" (Zaburi 86:17).

Joni Eareckson Tada na Steve Estes wanaandika katika When God Weeps,

Mungu, kama alivyo baba, hatoi tu ushauri. Anajitoa mwenyewe. Anakuwa mume wa mjane mwenye huzuini (Isaya 54:5). Anakuwa mfariji wa mwanamke tasa (Isaya 54:1). Anakuwa baba wa yatima (Zaburi 10:14). Anakuwa Bwana harusi kwa asiye na mume (Isaya 62:5). Yeye ni mponyaji wa wagonjwa (Kutoka 15:26). Yeye ni mshauri wa ajabu kwa waliokanganyikiwa na wenye fadhaa (Isaya 9:6).

Paulo anasema, "Mungu wa faraja yote; atufarijiye katika dhiki zetu zote ili nasi tupate kuwafariji wale walio katika dhiki za namna zote, kwa faraja hizo, tunazofarijiwa na Mungu." (2 Wakorintho 1:3–4). Mara nyingi tunapohuzunika, tunafikiria tu kupokea faraja, si kuitoa. Kuna nyakati katika huzuni ambapo kupokea kunapaswa kuwa lengo letu la msingi. Lakini Mungu anapotufariji, tunawezeshwa pia kutumia faraja hiyo hiyo kuwafariji wengine.

Anapotupa faraja yake moja kwa moja kupitia huduma ya Roho wake Mtakatifu, Mungu pia anapenda kuwatumia watu wengine watufariji. Nimepitia hali hii kupitia kwa marafiki na wanafamilia wangu. Kuna furaha kubwa katika kutoa na kupokea faraja katika familia ya Mungu. Inaleta hali ya utoshelevu kuwa chombo chake, na hicho ni chanzo cha faraja pia.

Urafiki wa Yesu

Yesu anasema, "Siwaiti tena watumwa…lakini ninyi nimewaita rafiki" (Yohana 15:15). Ukweli huu wa kushangaza umekuwa faraja kubwa sana kwangu kila siku. Tangu nilipomjua Yesu nikiwa kijana, nimekuwa na urafiki naye; lakini ilinigusa sana rafiki yangu wa pili, Nanci, alipotoweka na kutokuwa nami tena. Ingawa marafiki wengine walinisaidia, urafiki na Yesu ulikuwa muhimu sana kwangu. Bado ni wa muhimu sana kwangu. Kila siku.

Sijawahi kuhisi kuwa karibu naye hapo awali kama ninavyohisi sasa. Ninajiambia kwamba Nanci sasa anaishi na rafiki yake wa karibu ambaye pia ni rafiki yangu. Na ninauhisi uwepo wake kwangu kila siku. Wakati wa kifo chake, hakuna hata mmoja wetu aliyempoteza rafiki yetu mkubwa. Bado yuko nasi sote, ingawa bado hatujaungana tena.

Kwamba Yesu kweli ni rafiki na anataka kuwa rafiki yetu ni dhana ya kimapinduzi kwa Wakristo wengi. Ni kweli, hatupaswi kamwe kukataa au kupuuza ukweli kwamba sisi ni watumishi wa Mungu, na huo tu ni wito mkuu. Lakini wakati huohuo tunapaswa kuthibitisha ukweli wa ajabu kwamba sisi ni watoto na marafiki zake. Mungu anaweza na anawapenda watumishi wake, lakini hakika anawapenda watoto wake na rafiki zake kwa moyo wake wote. Na anakusudia kutupatia yaliyo bora zaidi, hata wakati ambapo jambo hilo bora linakuwa na sura tofauti kuliko ambavyo tungeweza kuchagua.

Dwight L. Moody alisema, "Kanuni ambayo nimekuwa nayo kwa miaka mingi ni kumchukulia Bwana Yesu Kristo kama rafiki yangu binafsi. Urafiki naye si suala la imani ya kidini au mafundisho tu, lakini ni Yeye mwenyewe yupo kwa ajili yetu."

Tunapohuzunika, tunaona kwamba huzuni yenyewe ni mshirika wetu; lakini mshirika wetu mkubwa na rafiki yetu wa karibu ni Yesu. Amesema, "Sitakupungukia kabisa, wala sitakuacha kabisa" (Waebrania 13:5). Yesu ndiye mshauri wetu na rafiki yetu mkubwa, vilevile ni Mwokozi na Bwana wetu. Uhusiano wetu naye unakua tunapotumia muda pamoja naye, kuzungumza na kumsikiliza. Kama Oswald Chambers alivyoandika, "Rafiki wa karibu zaidi duniani ni kivuli tu akilinganishwa na Yesu Kristo."

Tutauona Uso Wake

Maumivu na vilio ni halisi na vya kina sana, lakini kwa watoto wa Mungu, ni mambo ya kupita. Siku moja, huzuni itaisha. Milele. Furaha ya milele iko njiani. Yesu, rafiki yetu wa milele, "Naye atafuta kila chozi katika macho yao, wala mauti haitakuwapo tena; wala maombolezo, wala kilio, wala maumivu hayatakuwapo tena” (Ufunuo 21:4). Hii ni ahadi ya Yesu iliyonunuliwa kwa damu.

Wakati huo huo, mioyo yetu inapoumia, hebu tumgeukie Yesu, chanzo chetu kikuu cha faraja na amani. "Hii ndiyo faraja yangu katika taabu yangu, Ya kwamba ahadi yako imenihuisha." (Zaburi 119:50).

The Comfort and Friendship of Jesus in Our Grief

Over the four-plus years my beloved wife Nanci faced cancer, there were many good reports and many bad ones. We rode a roller coaster of emotions throughout her three surgeries, three rounds of radiation, and three rounds of chemo.

I vividly remember the day when the doctor said it was now stage-four cancer that had spread to her lungs. That night we prayed together, and then I went downstairs, got on my knees by the couch, buried my face in my hands, and wept. I poured out my heart to God, begging Him to intervene. I  did what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (NIV).

Suddenly I felt a presence beside me. I opened my eyes and saw our Golden Retriever Maggie’s front paws next to my hands. She gave me a look of loving concern, licked my tears, and then made a loud mournful sound she had never made before and never did after. I can only describe it as a groan. It startled me.

I thought immediately of Romans 8 which tells us that we groan, the whole creation groans, and God’s Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I realized that three of us were groaning together for Nanci, who we all loved—our God, myself, and our dog. And then I wept more, this time finding great comfort in both my companions.

The God of All Comfort

A year later, I was there when Nanci took her last breath. I felt profoundly sad, yet so privileged to have been her husband and to be there till death did us part. In the over two years now since she relocated to Heaven, her absence has been palpable. I miss her frequent texts about dogs and football and great quotes from Charles Spurgeon and J. I. Packer and others. I miss the sound of her voice and her laughter, always so loud and contagious.

The grief has been difficult. Yet God has been doing a work of grace in my life, bringing me comfort that allows me to go forward without her. (This is greatly helped by the anticipation of one day being with her again in the presence of Jesus!) In Psalm 16:8 David says, “I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” To set God before me is to recognize His presence and constant help.

When a child falls off a bike, she doesn’t need her father to say, “Sweetheart, here’s why it happened—given your speed and the weight of this bike, it couldn’t tolerate that sharp turn and…” No. The child simply wants comfort. We don’t need explanations, most of which we wouldn’t understand anyway. We need “God, who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6). Millions of people, including me, attest to the comfort He has brought them in their darkest hours. “…you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me” (Psalm 86:17).

Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes write in When God Weeps,

God, like a father, doesn’t just give advice. He gives himself. He becomes the husband to the grieving widow (Isaiah 54:5). He becomes the comforter to the barren woman (Isaiah 54:1). He becomes the father of the orphaned (Psalm 10:14). He becomes the bridegroom to the single person (Isaiah 62:5). He is the healer to the sick (Exodus 15:26). He is the wonderful counselor to the confused and depressed (Isaiah 9:6).

Paul says, “[The] God of all comfort... comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). Often when we are grieving, we think only of receiving comfort, not giving it. There are times in grief when receiving needs to be our sole focus. But when God comforts us, we are enabled to also use that same comfort to console others.

While He pours out His comfort to us directly by a ministry of His Holy Spirit, God is also fond of using other people to comfort us. I have experienced this through my friends and family members. There is great pleasure in both giving and receiving comfort in God’s family. It’s fulfilling to be His instrument, and that’s a source of comfort as well.

The Friendship of Jesus

Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). This stunning truth has become a deep daily comfort to me. Ever since I came to know Jesus as a teenager, I’ve had a friendship with Him; but it really hit home when my second best friend, Nanci, was no longer here for me. While other friendships have helped, nothing has meant more to me than the friendship of Jesus. It still does. Every day.  

I have never felt closer to Him than I do now. I tell myself that Nanci now lives  with her best friend and mine. And I am experiencing and sensing His presence with me every day. At her death, neither of us lost our best friend. He is still with both of us, even though we are not yet reunited.

That Jesus truly is and wants to be our friend is a revolutionary concept to many Christians. True, we should never deny or minimize the fact that we are God’s servants, and that itself is a high calling. But we should simultaneously affirm the wondrous fact that we are His children and friends. God can and does love His servants, but He certainly loves wholeheartedly His children and His friends. And He intends to do His best for us, even when that best takes a different form than we might have chosen.   

Dwight L. Moody said, “A rule I have had for years is to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”

As we grieve, we find that grief itself is a companion; but our greater companion and closest friend is Jesus. He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus is our mentor and best friend, as well as Savior and Lord. Our relationship with Him grows as we spend time with Him—talking and listening to Him. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “The dearest friend on earth is a mere shadow compared to Jesus Christ.”

We Will Behold His Face

Suffering and weeping are real and profound, but for God’s children, they are temporary. One day, grief will end. Forever. Eternal joy is on its way. Jesus, our forever friend, “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain.” This is the blood-bought promise of Jesus.

In the meantime, when our hearts ache, let’s turn to Jesus, our greatest source of comfort and peace. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).