The following paragraphs from Oswald Chamber’s classic, My Utmost for His Highest, really connect with Nanci’s four years of yielding to God about all the things she was constantly uncertain about. While she never knew if the day’s diagnosis would change tomorrow, or if the cancer would spread or go into remission, or how long she’d have the strength to handle everyday situations, still she would say, “I am certain of Him, so I will be content with all those things I’m uncertain of.”
I miss Nanci terribly, but the Lord is with her and is with me, and that closes the gap between us considerably.
“It doth not yet appear what we shall be.” 1 John 3:2
Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says—“Well, supposing I were in that condition….” We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in.
Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, “Except ye…become as little children.” Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.
“Believe also in Me,” said Jesus, not—“Believe certain things about Me.” Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.