What Should I Do if I Fear My Spouse and I Have Become Unequally Yoked?

Question from a reader:

During the time of our marriage my wife and I were equally yoked. Today I have been striving and working harder to build a closer relationship with Christ, but my wife has chosen to do otherwise and I fear we are no longer equally yoked. I want our marriage to work and pray about it every day. I am trying hard to keep the family together. What should I do in this situation?

Answer from Kathy Norquist, Randy’s assistant:

If you are truly living for Christ, your light will shine before your wife and she will more likely be drawn to that light. The important thing for you is to live in the power of the Holy Spirit and walk in the Spirit, displaying the fruits of the Spirit to your wife. She will see the difference in you. She won’t be drawn to your words as much as to your actions and attitudes.

This, of course, doesn’t guarantee a response from your wife. But whatever you do, you should do it for Christ (Colossians 3:17, 23–24) and leave the results to Him. Concentrate on what God wants to change in your life, not what you wish were different with your wife. Strive to live out your convictions before her, in the balance of grace and truth.

Prayer, of course, is vital. I Thessalonians 5:16-18 is a wonderful admonition to follow Christ and do His will. And you can’t go wrong with doing His will!

Additional note from Randy:

There is only one life we can “control”—and that in a limited sense—and that’s our own. Whenever we try to figure out how to make someone respond differently—whether our spouse, children, parents, boss, anyone—we run the risk of manipulation and attempting to change someone else’s heart that only God can change. So, as Kathy said, we should do what we can in our own life, drawing on the power of the Holy Spirit, to draw near to Christ for HIS sake, not as a mere means to an end to get what we want, including something as good as a restored marriage. We pray, we work on our own spiritual growth, and we trust God to do in His time what He knows to be best.

Photo by Rachael Crowe on Unsplash

Kathy Norquist was Randy Alcorn’s Executive Assistant from 1997-2015, then worked in Ministry Development up until September 2018 when she retired.  Kathy remains on the EPM Board of Directors.