I’ve Met Someone I’m Prayerfully Considering Dating, But I Have Some Concerns About Personality Traits. What’s Your Advice?
Question from a reader:
I’ve met a girl I like and have been praying about our possible future relationship, but I’ve noticed some personality traits that concern me. What is your advice?
Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:
Decisions about dating, and considering whether someone is a person you could commit yourself to in marriage, are tough. You really need the help of an older, wiser, godly mentor who knows you well and can talk these issues through with you. Do you have anyone in your life that could help you with that?
A couple of thoughts:
As a follower of Christ, the most important thing about considering someone as a spouse is whether they are wholeheartedly following Jesus. This past summer, I heard a missionary share some advice to young people. He said that life is like a race, that we should be running with our eyes fixed on Jesus. And if marriage is God’s will for us (and of course, it isn’t for everyone), then we won’t need to veer off course, looking and desperately seeking that person. Instead, we may discover that someone else is running alongside us, also pursuing Jesus wholeheartedly. And that is the solid foundation for a good Christian marriage—two people running in the same direction, both seeking to serve and honor Christ. You can watch the video here if you like. The analogy I just talked about is at the 11-minute mark.
Also, you mentioned some things you’ve noticed about this young woman. Only you, in concert with seeking the Lord and getting godly wisdom from others, can determine if something is a “deal breaker” for you and puts marriage out of the question. However, we should go into marriage with our eyes wide open, understanding that we can’t change someone (only God can) and that things that were “irritating” before marriage can become major issues after you’ve said, “I do.”
You might also like to read this article from Randy: How Should a Christian Guy Pursue a Relationship with a Christian Girl?
And here is a podcast, Dating Done Right, you might like to listen to.
God bless you as you pursue Jesus and seek to live in wisdom.
Stephanie Anderson is the communications and graphics specialist at Eternal Perspective Ministries.