At a seminar, fifty people who knew each other were given five minutes to find the balloon with their name on it. Everyone searched, but no one found theirs in the allotted time. Then they were asked to collect any balloon and give it to the right person. Within minutes, each person had his or her own balloon.
The speaker began by saying, “Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness.”
Psychologist Bernard Rimland conducted a study in which participants were asked to list ten people they knew best and to label them as happy or not happy. When they finished, they were to go through their lists and this time label each person as selfish or unselfish, using the following definition of selfishness: “A stable tendency to devote one’s time and resources to one’s own interests and welfare—an unwillingness to inconvenience one’s self for others.”
What did Rimland discover? According to his research paper “The Altruism Paradox,” everyone who was labeled happy was also labeled unselfish. Those “whose activities are devoted to bringing themselves happiness . . . are far less likely to be happy than those whose efforts are devoted to making others happy.” In a remarkable conclusion, he said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
It’s not every day that we see a direct quote from Jesus in a psychological study! But the Golden Rule (see Luke 6:31) sums up Rimland’s findings perfectly. This idea of selflessness appears in other Scripture passages as well, such as Philippians 2:3-4, NASB: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
According to the study, looking out for the interests of others is in our best interests! Selflessness seems to be strangely counterintuitive to us, perhaps because we imagine that sacrificing for others is an act of holiness that’s contrary to happiness. But consider this striking passage, which appeals to us to help the hungry and needy by promising great happiness if we do:
If you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:10-11, NASB
What is gloom but unhappiness? What will satisfy our desires, give us strength, and make us like a watered garden (in short, make us happy)? Giving of ourselves to help others. This is no abstract spiritual blessing—it’s a concrete promise of personal happiness!
The “spiritualized” thinking goes, Care nothing about your happiness; devote your life to making others happy. The biblical and realistic thinking is, You can make others, God, and yourself happy at the same time—by serving others. When we invest ourselves in others, everyone wins.
Jesus said we should focus on what’s bigger than ourselves: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). We are better off with others-centered humility than self-centered arrogance: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3, NIV).
In God’s world, happiness is found in discovering what’s truly in our self-interest: loving God and our neighbor. This profound, paradigm-shifting concept, understood correctly, makes the false dichotomy obvious in the question, “Should I serve others, or should I act in my own best interests?”
